Self Love

 

The Secret to Happiness …….SELF-LOVE……let’s talk about it!!

by Melissa Bustamante

Time for a self-check in.  This hurricane season is almost over, but for south Louisiana this season has been a whirlwind of emotions. As most of us are able to return to our homes there are those who cannot. We as a community are working together to rebuild and return to some sort of normalcy, we are volunteering to help our neighbors, family members and friends to rebuild.  It’s in these times that we see, hear and process all the things. And that in itself can be overwhelming.  It is especially during these times that we should take the time for self-love because if you don’t you may not be able to give the gift of giving to those in need as much as you want.  So, I have a question Do you know what self-love is and how do you show love to yourself and how often? Daily, monthly, quarterly, annually?

Here at Salon Sanity we are all things beauty, mind, soul and health. Our mission is to educate, inspire and empower individuals.  And with that today I’m going to reveal somethings about self-love in addition to some misconceptions. Let’s start with what self-love is NOT. Self-love like everything else can be misconstrued if it is not fully understood. Self-love is not selfish, it’s not about wearing pricey clothing, it does not mean that you are self-absorbed nor does it mean that it’s for people that have nothing better to do, it’s not about having the best this or that nor is it for people who think that their poop smells like roses. And last but not least it’s definitely quite the opposite for those who believe it’s inconsequential.

Hear me when I say the most significant relationship outside of a spiritual relationship is the one you will have with yourself.  It defines your place in life: where you are, appreciating what you have, what you are doing, what you can do, and not wasting your energy focusing on all the things you don't have, you haven't done, or you wish you could achieve in your job, your friendships or your romantic relationships.

Well, what is self-love and who is it for you ask? It is for “you and you and you and you and you” as Blackbear singsJ!   If you will imagine a sun and then imagine all the rays extending out, that’s essentially how self-love works. Self-love is the center from which everything expands. If we place conditions on ourselves than how are we to give someone else unconditional love when we don’t have it ourselves? Self-love is a continued practice of work.      

Some may say someone who practices self-love has feelings of goodwill toward mankind in that, when you love yourself others don’t have to deal with your unresolved problems! Hmmmm…..wanna hear more?  Self-love is an experience of changing or developing from one state of mind to another. It means doing the work, showing up and having conversations with yourself, acknowledging, confronting, and attempting to understand experiences, mindsets, fears or shortcomings.  It sometimes means putting away people, patterns or things that are not good for us.

To really understand what Self-Love is you should know what it incorporates, encompasses, contains another words what it’s really all about. Self-Love has several pieces to the puzzle and I’m going to show you how we can neatly file them into the following:  Self-Awareness, Self-Worth, Self-Esteem and Self-Care.  So let’s get started!

Self -Awareness- The understanding of who we are, our standards and values, where our thoughts are from and why our thoughts are what they are. Having an understanding of who, what, when, where, why and to what extent you are to your core. Being aware of who we are is necessary in order to learn about our emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence allows us to step away from a situation (the emotion) and touch base with ourselves.  It allows us the insight or opportunity to stop drop and roll before the match strikes!

 Self-Awareness is about building self-trust and being able to unmistakably differentiate where your thoughts are coming from be it a self-serving position or one to serve others.  Lastly self-awareness is about self-respect and self-expression.  Self-respect comes full circle in knowing what your values and standards are and being aware of the why behind your actions.

 Are you old enough to remember the movie The Outsiders, to this day it is still one of my favorites! Do you remember when Johnny Cade tells Ponyboy “Stay gold”?   It’s a reference to a line in Robert Frost poem “Nothing gold can stay”, meaning that all good things must come to an end.  Self- Expression is about speaking your truth.  We all have a truth aka our story.  We cannot hide behind a facade and expect to live an aligned life. Expressing yourself frees you to live and love from a place that’s organic and when that happens things do “stay good!” It reveals your feelings, opinions, your morals it reveals your heart and soul. So, speak your truth and “Stay Gold”!  

Self-Worth- Is not decided or determined by anything that you do.  You just are worthy.  Self-worth is how you think of yourself. Do you hold yourself in high regard? Do you tell yourself you are good and beautiful and smart? Do you tell yourself I love you and give yourself hi-fives? Or is it a challenge for you to see the good in yourself? Self-worth is found in the good things about you. Look at what you have done well or what other people recognize and appreciate about you. Self-worth is about self-acceptance, loving all parts of yourself even the ones you like less. It means showing yourself compassion and forgiveness it means being understanding, empathetic to your situation in that moment and it means not being your hardest critic.

Self-Esteem- Is drawn from your self-worth, yep! What and how you think of yourself plays a large part in being ok with where you are in life, not comparing yourself, but instead loving your life and being comfortable in your own skin. Self-esteem means having the faith to be present in life and meet it how you want to not how anyone else wants you to!  It means giving yourself the authority to get after something, anything, to go for the goal, to expand your wings beyond your own imagination another words to surpass the ideas of even your greatest dream!

 Self-esteem is also connected to how we were loved as children, what we were told we couldn’t do as opposed to what we were told we could, what our peers have attained and our achievements compared to our parents or those who raised us.  

Self-Care – Are the initiatives that you take to care for yourself, think basic necessity, the things that keep you healthy:  bathing, balanced diet, consuming water to stay hydrated and doing things we love.

Self-care can be in the form of taking note of what we consume: from social media, news sources, entertainment such as movies and television sitcoms, the music and audio books that we listen to and even those who we choose to surround ourselves with daily.  And self-care is also about self –pleasure, having fun doing the things that we love.

So what does all of this mean? It means that insight, love, success and happiness have nothing to do with luck and pedicures, well a littleJ, but instead have everything to do with putting in the work.  The quality of life that you see for yourself in others takes time and focus. It means looking in the mirror and deciding that you are willing to do the work to get to where you want to be.

Self-love means self-assessments, and looking  at the person in the mirror and wanting to learn why you do what you do and understanding where your behaviors come from, it means opening books and reading them, it means taking life coaching classes, it’s about learning over time to trust yourself, and It’s learning that you are worthy despite everything else PERIOD! And finally it means embracing who you are now without beating yourself up and instead being compassionate, forgiving and taking steps forward one day at a time to grow and cultivate the best you that you know you can and want to be!

It also means waking up earlier or staying up later whatever the case may be for your schedule so that you can take the time necessary to exercise not only your brain, but your body. It gives you time to   journal, read affirmations, reviewing goals and schedules and time to set your day up for success.  It also means making time for a bubble bath to relax and breathe and ensure you get the right amount of sleep. It means going to get a manicure and pedicure because self-care if about self-pleasure and doing the things we love and enjoy!  

You will find that when you spend time with yourself, by yourself, when you begin sorting through all the stuff and asking all the hard questions things begin to reveal themselves.  You begin to trust your own judgement, you hold your head a little higher, you realize that you have value and begin to treat yourself as such. That is when you will be your best for not only yourself, but everyone around you. You become a better leader, friend, spouse, teammate, girlfriend and family member.   

These are reasons why I choose to continue my growth path and continue to cultivate this love for myself and people in my life, because I want to see how much more amazing my life can become and see the impact I can make with others!

If you are interested in starting a new journey, one of empowerment and education and you have questions about how to get started, what to journal about, what books to read, what pod cast to listen to we would love to help. None of us are experts in this field, but we do have great resources!  Feel free to shoot us an email and we will surely get back to you.  

“Every one of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves."   -Diana- Princess of Whales

Love and Peace -

 Melissa